It turns out that I can waste just as much time on the computer with other mindless activities as I can with Facebook. If you are like me, then I suggest that you do NOT check out the new cube game over at www.deadwhale.com . I repeat, do NOT check that out unless you want to mindlessly click your mouse for an hour straight while half-watching tv.
My husband actually peeked at my screen to see if I had broken my vow and returned to Facebook. No, honey - just another pointless timesuck. Ugh.
This realization has me considering a total electronic media fast at some point in the future. Not now. Maybe in the Spring, when there is so much to do outside and it stays daylight a little longer. Then, I think that I could pull it off. I'd have to tell my children that our tv and Daddy's ipad were broken.
The playdate on Tuesday turned out to be just what we needed to get out of our funk. And, instead of jumping on Facebook the second that I put my son down for his quiet time*, I read a book and took a short nap. (*"Quiet time" is a term used to describe the phenomenon where I try to get my 2-year-old to nap, but he prefers to jump on his bed, get out every single stuffed animal that he owns, and sometimes vandalize his own bedroom until I relent and let him come out to play. Mommy is not ready to give up naps.)
We did snuggle on the couch and watch tv for an hour Wednesday morning, but then got dressed and went to storytime at the library. Afterward, we met some friends for lunch at Burger King, where the kids played for nearly 2 hours. We went straight from there to get DS's hair cut, then stopped by the grocery store for a few things. We had just enough time to get home and read DS's 4 new library books before I had to start work.
DS can be a really difficult kid sometimes. He has a lot of mood swings, which I know is normal for a kid his age, but he is much more stubborn and emotionally volatile than his big sister was at this age. As much as we love him, and as wonderfully sweet as he can be during the good times, being with him can be sort of ... draining. Yesterday was awesome. Not perfect, but sooooo much better than usual. He was (relatively) cooperative and sweet and just a joy to hang out with. Maybe it was a fluke, but I am telling myself that his improved behavior is a result of improved attention from his mommy.
Really, it was such a nice day that I hated to go to work last night. I started feeling guilty about how little I see DD when I work evenings. I have too many projects due and too little time, and the anxiety started to creep in. Am I doing the right thing here? Do we really need the "extra" money? Am I wasting time that could be better invested in my kids?
Sigh.
I don't know.It will be better in the Fall. DS will be in 3 day/week preschool, so I can get more work hours in during the day and be fully present and available in the evenings for both kids. I'll still have 2 days/week to be a SAHM, go to playdates and story times and push him on the swing at the park. I won't have work lingering in the back of my mind so much while I am supposed to be (and want to be) focused on the kids. I think that our whole family will benefit from a more clearly-defined work/school/play schedule. Now, just 6 more months of trying to fit in 20 hours of work with 10 hours of MDO. Just 6 more months.
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